The words are raining heavy on my parade. This is the worst waiting game I’ve ever played. These are the loneliest nights and the longest days.

Even though most people don’t see me as one, I am a pretty big introvert. Being a performing artist is something that I love, but it also takes a lot for me to get on stage and showcase my talents. The pandemic took it to the next level for me though - at first, I was thriving to a certain degree and enjoying “me” time because LA is a constant hustle. Having a moment of reprieve was actually something that my mind and body needed more than I realized. However, after a month or so of forced lockdown and not being alone on my own terms, I found that I deeply missed human interaction. I think that no matter how introverted we are, humans are not meant to be completely solitary creatures.

“The Loneliest Nights” is a song that I wrote during the height of the pandemic when I was feeling the most lonely, but I also knew that this was a universal experience happening worldwide. Even though I was physically isolated and alone, I wasn’t alone in my experience. We all went through and handled the waves of emotions in different ways - for myself, I spent a lot of time on my yoga mat and doing contortion training. I took lots of hot baths and had time for more meditation and self reflection. I went on long hikes and enjoyed bike rides on empty LA streets. I tried to keep myself active as much as possible in order to keep my mind calm despite feeling many moments of panic due to what was happening in our world.

I knew I wanted to create a video that visually reflected my own experience of what I was feeling during the height of lockdown. Essentially, it is my expression through movement art of what loneliness and isolation can feel like; moments of beauty and calm interlaced with moments of panic and intensity. My favorite aspect of this video is the use of the mirror. I knew I wanted it incorporated somehow to illustrate the idea of self reflection and going inward when forced into extreme isolation. The director, Tonya Kay, had the idea to have me looking at different versions of myself, which I think came across so beautifully.

Humans are complicated creatures, and I believe that this pandemic has given many people an opportunity to deeply connect with themselves, find extreme gratitude for things that might have been taken for granted before and discover what they really want out of life. We’re not completely out of it yet, but I know that I feel grateful to be able to hug others again and share my art in person.