Shifting and Evolving: A Miel Azevedo Guest Blog

by - July 25, 2023

Music has been the thing that picks me up - or rather gets down on the floor with me - when I fall down. It is the same reason we are all so drawn to its vibrational force. Over the years, different projects have helped me explore my identity.

My latest single, “Healing Tears”, is an expression of my journey in sexual healing and discovery. It’s about cry-cumming. The first time I had an orgasm it made me cry; it was a scary, overwhelming wave. I didn’t know what was happening to me and I received flashes of images and memories. A sense of imprisonment from the past. The second time inspired this song, when I was with a person who had the understanding and compassion to hold space for my grief and joy. In the more recent past, it is a fountain which readily pours when it feels called to.

There is a certain otherworldly quality to my production and I think that can reflect, in this context, the great unknown within sexuality. Practices like kink can hold containers for exploration. Both verbal and nonverbal consent discourses are vital in defining what is on or off the table and what we like. Nevertheless, there is a huge well of discovery laying in the sexual realm. Sexual desire and pleasure need not be a fixed thing but can be a shifting, evolving terrain.

I’ve often felt the pressure to label, define, quantify and qualify my sexuality in order to prove my queerness - part of the strange reality of being bi/pan in the kind of world we live in. After years of processing both my sexual trauma as well as my internalized heterosexism, I feel at ease knowing that my sexuality is not static but rather shifting and evolving.

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